On the backside of the school run…
…there you were.
Us, at the stop sign.
You, limping along down the road.
Me wondering what might have happened…but just happy to see you.
You, on your merry way.
Showing up…it seemed…for me.
At that time.
At that moment.
More luck than anything.
But you left a buzz behind, like that feeling when the horoscope hits home.
Thank you for that.
Safe travels Mr Fox.
A Sunday drive...
A Sunday drive to see Mom and Dad.
I took a friend along for the ride to keep me company.
Me, driving dark, familiar roads.
Him, sitting at home, thousands of miles away in the UK.
A small screen connecting us.
When I got close to Mom and Dad’s house, I pulled over to the side of the road.
It was early and they were still sleeping.
The conversation was flowing.
There was no rush.
My hazard signals flashed…
…officially announcing the safe space inside to the world.
I sat there.
And he sat there.
The sun rose.
And life was good.
The thing about having a heart…
The thing about having a heart…
…it will take you places you’d never thought you would go.
Good places.
Bad places.
Light places.
Dark places.
And all of the spaces in between.
It will mirror your interpretation of the moment.
Absorb it.
Expand.
And there you will be.
At times…
…feeling as though you might burst
At other times…
…feeling shattered into pieces
And still…
…the beat goes on
The thing about having a heart…
…it is the music of our lives
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Listen...
Your song is on.
Couple of simple thoughts of late...
From the journal, Thursday, 1/20/2022 - 9:49AM…
‘…A couple of mornings ago (in the wee hours), I was working in my trusty chair and upstairs came the sweetest sound. ‘Daddy’. Not in alarm. I waited to see if it would repeat. A dream perhaps or possibly awake and seeking a response. Nothing but silence…and I smiled tearfully thinking that was/is everything. Another thought…about last night at indoor soccer. Mom and Dad came. I haven’t seen Dad for a couple of weeks. They were waiting in the parking lot and I surprised them with a loud knock on the window — which makes me laugh even now. Dad got out and I immediately noticed a tired look in his eyes. A sense of becoming more fragile. Pain. Discomfort. When we went inside I could sense that he sensed my observations and our eyes avoided contact…as if doing so would provide confirmation. My guts were instantly sad and I knew he knew. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’m abundantly aware of these limited times. I’m grateful to have them…’
Loosen the Grip...
When I’m in the thick of things, these are the lulls that I wish for.
When they’re here, I never feel like I take full advantage of them.
To relax.
Recharge.
Hone in on the ideas in my brain that have less to contend with.
Do all the ‘things’ that I thought I would.
…or quite simply…
Do nothing.
And the funny thing, lull or not…
The ‘things’ can always get worked on.
If I lighten up…
…get out of my own way.
Cut myself some slack.
I’ve often got a tight mental grip on a plan…
…of how it all should play out.
But life usually has other ideas.
And I think I’d be more productive and creative…
If I’d just pause more…
…roll with the punches
…and loosen my grip
[note to self]
Today we’re always on.
Always connected.
Always doing.
Often, feeling perpetually behind on the hamster wheel.
It’s OK to allow the snow globe to settle.
It’s OK to pull off to the side of the road to soak in the view.
It’s OK to sit and stare and be.
It’s almost imperative.
Loosen the grip…
