One night, 33 years ago...
...when I was 17
There was a loud knock.
I heard it again and opened my eyes
...surprised to find myself sitting in my car
...seat belt on
...my eyes slowly adjusting to the street lights.
The knock again.
To my left.
A policeman.
My heart instantly thumping out of my chest.
The smell of alcohol in the car.
The taste of it fresh in my mouth.
A sick feeling in my stomach.
I opened the door awkwardly
...realizing my car was up on the median
...the rest I only remember in bits and pieces.
Refusing a breathalyzer.
Being taken to jail.
Sitting in a room awaiting my parents.
Handing my keys to my Mom and saying I never wanted to drive again.
The guilt.
The luck of not harming anyone else that night.
My father not talking to me for I can't remember how long.
Hanging my head low for what felt like forever.
Feeling like a delinquent.
Wanting it all to end.
Wanting me to end.
The years to follow would have their fair share of struggles.
Stories for another day.
Waking up this morning...
...3 years sober
Remembering.
Feeling lucky to be alive.
Alcohol played a major role in my life.
When I was young and feeling invincible, I wore my tolerance like a badge of courage.
As an adult, it’s pervasive in life.
There’s always a ‘reason’ to drink.
Good day. Let’s celebrate.
Bad day. Let’s lick our wounds.
End of the week. Let’s get this party started.
Kids driving you crazy. Yes please.
Out to eat…it’s the first thing they ask you.
And I was always an enabler.
3 years ago, I challenged myself to stop.
Daily, I marked the calendar with an X.
I called it living alcohol free — the good life.
A month in, there was no way I was going to break that streak.
The habit took hold.
The change for me was a change for everyone around me.
Once united by having a drink, get togethers with many diminished.
I missed those times and it left me with a deep sadness.
Surely we could still get together…but the dynamic of those interactions changed…and it would take time (for everyone) to adjust.
Some people and places just dropped out of my life entirely.
The social aspect was probably one of the hardest parts.
More time with a clear head became empowering.
Tackling life with all of my wits about me would become my new thing…
…and I continue to wear that badge proudly.
The last 3 years have been the best by far.
The healthiest of my life.
Rewarding in more ways than I ever could have imagined.
My story isn’t unique…
…but it’s one that many don’t know about me.
I’ve held on to it for a long time and today I’m setting it free.
If you’re struggling with alcohol or questioning how much of your life it’s consuming…know there’s another way, whenever you’re ready.
It’ll take work on your part, but I promise you it will be worth it.
If you ever need someone’s ear or a shoulder to lean on…I’m here.
And if you made it this far…thanks for being here for me.
Cheers.
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